Things to Remember About the Early Weeks

For future me, for future mamas, here are the things to remember about the early weeks of having a newborn.*

*As it relates to my own hospital experience and my own firstborn, experiences may vary, yada yada yada.

Hospital Tips

1. Plan for a C-Section. You probably won't need one. I only haphazardly planned for one in that I packed for four days instead of two. Then I needed one. I wish I had known a bit more about C-Section recovery so that I could prepare my house. Be ready to live on one floor if you have stairs. Consider a sleeping situation that will allow you to pull yourself up by your arms (grabbing the back of the sofa or big chair arms). Have a whole baby setup that will allow sleeping, bathing, eating, and changing diapers where you are. Also consider how you will bathe yourself. We have our only shower on the second floor. You definitely won't want to take precious time and energy to go to the gym showers, so how about a friend or relative's house? Sponge baths are great and all, but eventually you'll want to wash that matted bun you've been sporting.  Also, think of someone who can do your laundry, pick up clutter, and throw together meals. Even if you have prepped freezer meals, have someone else heat them up! I know everyone says this, but seriously, you will need the help. I promise you'll eventually be able to do it yourself. But while you're healing, feeding a baby every two hours, and trying to get any kind of sleep, help is totally necessary for a bit. You should walk a little to build up your strength, but don't wear yourself out just doing the daily tasks. A pair of extension grabbers is also handy for when you drop something. Or two pairs for getting dressed if you don't have a butler. Pulling up pants and socks becomes a herculean task when your abs are healing from an incision. Nightgowns that can pass for daytime dresses are also a plus. It's tough to get pants to fit right away and tricky to put them on. Also, you may be incredibly puffy from IV fluids. The only pair of shoes I could wear were my Birkenstock's because they were adjustable. A little app that helps you remember when you take your meds and vitamins is also key. The nurses giving instructions are going to sound like Charlie Brown's teachers and those days are going to be FUZZY.

2. Bring a baby nail file and/or baby gloves to the hospital. Oddly enough, they didn't have nail files there and baby nails harden up and sharpen up in just a few days. A little shirt that has the gloves built in is even more handy. In fact, don't bother with regular onesies at the hospital at all. The baby should basically just wear shirts until the umbilical stump falls off. Our hospital-issued white kimono had turned a sad shade of dingy by the time we were on our way home.

3. Use every lactation consultant and nurse you have access to while learning to breastfeed. Even if this is not your first rodeo, it is your baby's, and every professional will have different tips and styles for hand expressing, latching, and positioning. We weren't aware that we were supposed to have a nurse on each shift watch us breastfeed, but I can see why. It can be really difficult to make the schedules match, of course. The nurses have other patients and the baby won't always wait. With that though, keep at it. I had so much bruising that I had to bite my lip to keep from crying out when my baby would latch. It turns out he has an overbite, and we should have been changing his positioning. It took a while for both of us to get it. In the beginning, it was a two man job with me holding the baby and breast, and my husband holding his flailing hands with razor sharp talons. I promise, you'll also be able to do this on your own eventually. I would say that things finally clicked to the point that I wasn't googling "When does breastfeeding get easier?" and wondering why I had ever wanted to do it...around two weeks out. Now, I actually really love it. I love being all he needs. The lack of sleep in the beginning is REAL, but there is such a closeness that I can't quite describe. Oh, and don't forget to bring your breastfeeding pillow to the hospital.

4. Use that dang "Do Not Disturb" sign. I was so incredibly desperate for sleep, and everyone seems to complain about the lack of it at any hospital. If I had known before about the glorious little sign, that thing would have been up post-haste. I would also try to see if my vitals, meds, and baby's vitals could be consolidated at all into fewer visits. It seemed like we were always being woken up for something different. Also have your meal orders ready to go. I would get calls for my breakfast, lunch, and dinner order and would have to call back later when I had looked at the menu. I always wound up getting the same basic thing anyway, which is easy if you're on a medically limited diet. It's a good idea to bring some plates and tupperware from home as well since I typically found that I couldn't eat all of my food by the time they were ready to collect the tray. Interruptions and baby needs took precedent.

Baby Items

Everybody and their sister has a "baby registry must haves" or "baby registry regrets" list. Here are the things I have found to be super useful:

1. Muslin swaddles. Plenty of them. They are great for swaddling, especially in the summer. They are burp cloths. They are tummy time mats. They get thrown over the car seat to block sun. They are a fun game to play when you drag them over the baby for sensory learning. They are the backdrop for my weekly pictures. They protect the boppy from blowouts. They get washed and used constantly.

2. Halo sleep sacks and Halo sleep sack swaddles. This was the only thing I felt comfortable swaddling my baby in at night after I saw how he could escape the muslin swaddle and throw it over his own face.

3. Boppy pillows. Yes, I said pillows because I have two of them. I keep one upstairs and one downstairs, and it is great to have one less thing to tote around the house. Also, multiple covers because, blowouts and spit ups.

4. A sound machine nightlight. I love the Hatch Baby Rest that everyone else loves. It connects to an app on your phone and you can adjust sound, color, volume, and brightness right from there. This thing is not only a miracle worker for my baby's sleep, but it also helps me when I need to get up in the middle of the night. I didn't realize how important light control would be for keeping that baby niiiiice and drowsy during night feedings or diaper changes.

5. Piggy backing on the last point, I also opted for a motion-detecting LED nightlight strip that goes under his crib. With hands full of sleeping baby and overhead lights off, this handy little strip lights the way when you walk by and turns itself off after a set time. Mine was by Vansky.

6. Our pediatrician recommended using one of those pull-musical-hanging-accordion-critter things for helping the baby associate when it is time to sleep. Apparently this is useful for teaching the baby to start to put himself down for naps and such. So we have one. I have to wait and see.

7. Along those same lines, the baby love love LOVES his mobile. I made the little felt animals myself and bought the other hardware online. We also have a part that plays lots of different songs, all of which I now have memorized. This little doohickey has allowed me to get ready in the morning with a happy, mesmerized baby in his crib.

8. Notice how almost all of these items have been about sleep? Yeah. So also, multiple sheets for your crib or bassinet. I didn't do the whole sheet stacking thing, and I didn't find that I needed to. If there was ever a bad wet spot in the middle of the night, I moved the baby to another part of the mattress until morning, or into the other sleeping device we had for him. Still, you'll want to get that changed out quickly for naps the next day.

9. I use the Baby Tracker app for knowing when and for how long my baby ate, slept, and how many diapers he produces when I'm concerned. Best of all, this can be synced between caregivers' devices.

10. For bathing I like the Angelcare Baby Bath Support because our baby has always been pretty big, and more than once has peed during bath time. This way, there's no water to change. Other than that we use the whale baby bath scoop to keep water out of his eyes (mostly) and some used baby towels and washcloths, along with the basin and comb we got from the hospital. Our pediatrician also recommended Dove baby soap for hair, face, and dirty bits. I don't mind kneeling to bathe him in the tub because it seriously takes about five minutes if that.

11. For furniture in the room, we like having a true changing table rather than a setup on a dresser because my husband is tall and I find the storage really useful. I also love the comfy glider we got for all those hours nursing and rocking, as well as a little cube storage shelf for books and toys. I think it's nice to have them displayed a la Montessori. A bouncer seat is handy for reading to him or keeping him close during a shower or other chores. I like a fan in his room for air circulation and white noise. Lastly, I like having a bed for myself in the nursery. On nights when my husband has to work the next day, I sleep with the baby so that my husband's sleep isn't disturbed. Plus, I think this may help when it comes time for the baby to sleep by himself, because he will already be used to his own room and crib. In the early early days, we also used a bassinet on wheels to tote him around the house when he was able to sleep anywhere. That was good to have.

12. Clothes, toys, and books are popular hand-me-downs and gifts, so there isn't much need to get too many of them. They are also easy to get second hand. Remember that your baby won't be playing much in the beginning. I would guess that around one month was when our little one started noticing items more. At that point he loved black and white books and his baby gym. I got this one even though I had originally been set on a wooden one, because it was...minimalist? Not plastic? Chic? Anyway, I'm glad I got this (cheaper) one because having the mat attached really helps, and the baby enjoys the multiple patterns. This thing is a lifesaver when I want to eat a meal with two hands.

13. Binkies. Our lactation consultant suggested a particular type and size to help his overbite and it has given us all peace at key moments.

Sleep

I feel like I read and heard so many different things about baby sleep that my head was spinning by the end. So in preparation for this next set of advice, keep in mind that your baby is going to determine a lot on their own, and you'll probably wind up having to go with the flow and change things up as needed and as you learn your baby. Here's what worked for mine:

1. Keep things bright during the day and darker at night to help him set his own circadian rhythm. Some people are all about black-out curtains, but I'm not. My baby didn't need it and seemed to have a good sense of night and day.

2. Learn about typical awake times for your baby's age. I don't know that I knew about this or paid attention to it at first and would just kind of let my little guy decide when to finally fall asleep. I think in the early days this lead to him being overtired and probably offered food more often than necessary. Once I kept track on my app how long he had been awake, I could better tell if his fussiness was likely from being tired.

3. Don't expect a routine too early on. I did. Like I said, I was desperate for sleep and I wanted to know when I was going to get it! With my baby, he mostly slept and ate all the time when he was super little, then once he gained more weight and got a little older, he had more awake time. I kept hearing about routines, though, so I felt like I was doing something wrong that I never knew when anything was going to happen. Our routine has come on very slowly. First we started to wake and feed at around the same time each day. Then we got a loose bedtime routine with bath, lotion, story, songs, and sleep. His naptime still changes by the day it seems - he is alternately growing and going through developmental leaps that affect his eating and sleeping. For instance, early in the week he was catnapping for 30 minutes at a time for no more than three and a half hours of daytime sleep. Then yesterday he napped for two hours at a time in the morning, taught himself to scoot on his belly, then napped some more. The pediatrician tells me that things become more predictable around three months, then get thrown off by the four month sleep regression and teething. She also said that the baby shouldn't really go for more than 3 1/2 hours during the day without eating at this stage or he'll be making up his calories at night. I assume they get back on track after that? Anyway, the point is, go easy on yourself and know that your life will start making sense again eventually. I'm hoping.

4. Develop a "bedtime voice." When it is time for baby to fall asleep or stay asleep, be your own Bob Ross. Everything is soft, slow, dim, and as boring as possible. Believe it or not, by just being yourself, you are high entertainment for this baby. Save that for daytime.

Daily Life

Pretty much from the time I was bedridden after birth, I wanted to know when things would get easier. Two weeks was the magical number for feeding and some simple locomotion like walking and driving. A month felt even better for long walks and beginning to take on some light daily tasks. By the time I was medically cleared, I still had a bit of pain internally at times, but I was so ready to be able to walk my dog again and get the stroller and car seat out myself. It all comes back. I think. It just takes some time.

But...what do you do with a baby? I looked up so many YouTube videos and websites just trying to figure out what I could do to entertain, educate, and pass the time with this tiny human. I approached it very scientifically at first. I wanted to make sure I was doing all the things. The reading things. The singing things. The talking things. It is tricky at first because they don't really react much to you. Once my baby became more aware of his environment at about a month or so, it got easier. I could respond to what seemed to interest him. He likes moving around, a lot. Whether that's batting his hanging toys, learning to scoot himself with his legs, being carried, or going for multiple walks in his stroller, this kid is on the move. I found that James Taylor seemed to soothe him. So we dance and sing Sweet Baby James and Fire and Rain. He smiles when we do the Itsy Bitsy Spider. He studies his books (when he's in the mood). And when he naps for just 30 minutes, he sits in his bouncer seat and watches me do chores while I talk about those chores and swat at him with pieces of clothing to feel before I fold the blue soft shirt or big warm sweater that we wear in the winter. It just kind of happens now. So, it will probably happen naturally with most families that aim to be present with their kids.

I'm no expert, but with all of this still fresh in my mind, I hope it helps some new mamas out there.