Having It All

     There is a common question for many women of my generation and the one before as to whether or not we can indeed have it all. Can we be successful in a career and manage to raise a family? Some people have an easier time simply choosing one and being happy with it. Others attempt both and subsequently may feel completely inadequate at both. As a young woman continually working at my career and hoping to one day also have a family, this question has bobbed up to the surface numerous times since they first started asking me, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

     I remember thinking, however erroneously, that it made no sense to simply go from being a child in your family of origin to raising your own kids. I thought about how it felt small in the wider scope of the world, to have impact only on your own lineage rather than making waves in your field of choice. I think I'm coming around to better understanding the things that make life important, but really, that seems to be what the essence of this question is - How can I make my life matter?

     In an interview I heard today, Justice Sonia Sotomayor summed it up in a way that snapped on the bare lightbulb hanging in my head:
     "This whole continuing question about whether women can "have it all" — I think it's the wrong question. I think the right question should be, "What makes you happy as a person? Do you want to not 'have it all' but to have both in your life in an imperfect way?" Because if the question presupposes that you're going to do both and be equally happy at every moment, it's a false question.
It's a compromise; it's a balance; it's figuring out what's the most important thing you have to give at that moment and to what. All of that is a constant work in progress."
Read more of the interview here.

     I just love that. I think she takes us a step beyond the liberation of women in the workplace into women breaking apart the format of Family vs. Career entirely. It is not about finding oneself at a single crossroads at a certain crucial time, but rather, traveling along two interwoven paths that may allow for a third option.

A Letter To Myself, For When Life Feels Tangled

Hello. Things are rough. Or you're scared. Or nothing seems to feel right.

This is you writing. Remember that you're still you, no matter the temporary outer casing. The moments of childhood happiness, milestones, successes, surprises, joy, motivation - it is all inside of you all the time. Now what you need to do is turn your insides back into your outsides. Do these things:

1. Do something just because it feels good, whether you need/should do it or not. Have a cup of coffee. Go to the farmer's market. Buy something you want. Go for a walk with your camera. Put on loud music and dance. Be careful not to hurt yourself. Go punch something a million times. Also be careful not to hurt yourself. Take a long bath with a trashy magazine.

2. Do some arting. Make some art. Make scribbly, no-one-need-ever-see-it-but-it-might-also-be-awesome art. Look at art blogs. Wander through a gallery. Buy a museum ticket. Watch an indie film. Go to an art complex. Go to First Friday.

3. Make a Fear Flowchart. What are you afraid of? Break it down. Talk yourself out of each one. Fear is the only thing standing in your way.

4. Get spiritual. Find a new church. Play beautiful hymns. Pray. Talk to angels. Look for fairies.

5. Write in your gratitude journal. Remember that when we start recognizing our gratitude for all we have, we open the door for more blessings.

6. Remember the big picture. Most things are temporary. Feed your soul first.